A NIGHT AT THE OPERA
STATEROOM SCENE

Driftwood finishes ordering from the steward and steps back into his cabin, closing the door.
Driftwood: Well that's fine. If that steward is deaf and dumb, he'll never know you're in here.
Fiorello: Why sure, that's all right...
(A knock on the door)
Driftwood: Yes?
Chambermaid: We've come to make up your room.
Fiorello: Are those my hard boiled eggs?
Driftwood: I can't tell until they get in the room. Come on in, girls, and leave all hope behind. But you've gotta work fast 'cause you've gotta get out in ten minutes...
Fiorello: Hey, Tomasso. Wake up. They're gonna fix the beds...
Driftwood (to the chambermaids): Say, I'd like two pillows on that bed there, huh?
(As the chambermaids struggle to get to the beds, Tomasso in his semi-conscious state begins to drape himself over the chambermaids.)
Driftwood (to Fiorello) Hey, there's a slight misunderstanding here. I said the girls had to work fast - not your friend.
Fiorello: He's still asleep...
Driftwood: You know he does better asleep than I do awake?
Fiorello: Yeah, he always sleeps that way. Now he's half asleep.
Driftwood: Yes, he's half asleep and half nelson...
(A knock at the door)
Driftwood: Yes?
Engineer: I'm the engineer. I'm here to turn off the heat.
Driftwood: Well, you can start right in on him.
Fiorello: Wake up, Tomasso... Tomasso, we're a gonna eat soon...
Driftwood: You know, if it wasn't for Gottlieb, I wouldn't have got this room? (a knock on the door) Just hold him there a second...
Manicurist: Did you want a manicure?
Driftwood: No, come on in! I hadn't planned on a manicure, but I think on a journey like this, you ought to have every convenience you can get... (Tomasso's foot gets in the way of the manicurist). Hey, listen, I'm getting the manicure. Get out of here, will ya?
Manicurist: Did you want your nails long or short?
Driftwood: You'd better make 'em short. It's getting kind of crowded in here. I don't know. This isn't the way I pictured an ocean voyage. I always visualized sitting in a steamer chair with a steward bringing me bouillon. You couldn't get any bouillon in here unless they brought it in through a keyhole.
(A knock at the door)
Engineer's assistant: I'm the engineer's assistant.
Driftwood: You know, I had a premonition you were going to show up. The engineer's right over there in the corner. You can chop your way right through... Say, is it my imagination or is it getting crowded in here?
Fiorello: I've got plenty of room...
(A knock at the door)
Driftwood: Yes?
Woman: Is my Aunt Minnie in here?
Driftwood: Well, you can come in and prowl around if you wanna. If she isn't in here, you can probably find somebody just as good...
Woman: Well, can I use your phone?
Driftwood: Use the phone?! I'll lay ya even money you can't get in the room! This boat will be in New York before you can get to that phone...
(A knock at the door)
Cleaning lady: I came to mop up.
Driftwood: Just the woman I'm looking for. Come right ahead. You'll have to start on the ceiling. It's the only place that isn't being occupied... (knock at the door) Tell Aunt Minnie to send up a bigger room, too, will ya? (knocking again)
Steward: Stewards...
Driftwood: Ah, come right in!
Fiorello: Hey, Tomasso, the food! The food!
Driftwood: I've been waiting all afternoon for you stewards...
(The stewards crowd into the room as Tomasso dives onto the trays in his semi-conscious state. The next visitor is none other than Mrs. Claypool, who after knocking on the door, finds the cabin suddenly bursting open as people cascade into the ship's hallway.)

For a sound clip of this scene, be sure to check out the sound clips featuring Groucho or Chico from the Sights and Sounds page.

Marx Brothers Night at the Opera Treasury
Marx Brothers Night at the Opera Treasury